Update on Grandma

Just an update on Grandma. I've been there every day this week except for Monday. On Tuesday she was still talking quite a bit, and was so sweet. Jon and Dave came up to visit her, and she was so excited to see them and their kids. Then later I was sitting with her with my hand on her arm, and giving her ice chips when she asked for them. She took my hand in hers, and I said, "What can I do for you, Grandma?" She said, "I'm just saying thank you." She is such a good and gracious woman! What an example for me.

Yesterday I was there with Aunt Annette, and we were talking about when Annette was a child, and then when Annette met Mike and then got married, and Grandma was making comments and remembering things that had happened. Her mental acuity is just amazing. She was having a harder time talking though, and more trouble breathing.

I went and visited her this afternoon, and she slept the whole time. I don't know if she is less alert in the afternoon, but she could hardly wake up to talk to us. Jan and I really think the end is near. She is really laboring to breathe at times, and she isn't able to hardly see any more. Oh, I hope it is soon for her sake. It is so hard to see her getting weaker and weaker. Thankfully, she is not in much pain. Part of me wants to stay there all the time so that I can be with her until she goes, but we still don't know how long that will be yet. We did wake her up before we left, and kissed her and told her we loved her. She said very weakly that she loved us too. As I was walking out, I wondered if it is the last time I will see her in this life. It makes me sad to think that, and yet I hope that she isn't here much longer.

I have been having a lot of insights into the Plan of Salvation during this process. There is nothing like facing death to help you realize what life is all about. The other day I turned from my computer at work, and as often happens, caught sight of the Salt Lake Temple outside the window. I thought of Grandma, and suddenly realized anew that because Grandma and Grandpa were sealed in the temple (in that temple, actually), that they would truly be together forever as husband and wife. What a blessing to know that even though I am about to lose my Grandma here on earth, she will always be my Grandma, and I will see her again.

Then yesterday when I first got there, Aunt Eileen had a Tabernacle Choir CD playing in the background. Suddenly I heard the words:

When I leave this frail existence
When I lay this mortal by
Father, mother, may I meet you
In your royal courts on high...

It was so touching to be sitting by Grandma, who is about to depart from this world, and to hear those words. There really is meaning in all of the suffering that we must endure. I truly believe that it will all be made up to us when we go back home and meet our Father and Mother, and find the great things that they have prepared for us. It is just around the corner for my beloved Grandma!

Watch for Jenni's birthday post tomorrow!

Sweet letter from my Grandpa to my Grandma

Here is an exerpt from a letter I found that Grandpa Spendlove wrote to Grandma Spendlove in 1988, two years before he died. I thought it was so sweet:

“I hope that during those days when I’m in the spirit world doing my best to be near you and comfort you that you will feel something of the closeness we’ve had during our days. …God bless you, my love. Please have no regrets. You’ve been as near perfection as any could ask.…know that I love you dearly—my sweetheart.”

As I read that, I felt so grateful to know that soon Grandma will be back with Grandpa after being separated for so long. We talked with her on Sunday night about how excited she is to see her loved ones on the other side of the Veil, and what a great reunion it will be for her.

Sunday was hard but good. Grandma decided to stop drinking water, and was really anxious to get hospice there to help her. I was able to get in touch with Jan at church, and she called a friend she knows who works at a hospice place, and we had the nurses there within three hours, which is pretty record time, especially for a Sunday It was such a blessing, and they were so good to her. (There are always blessings at times like this, thank goodness). Grandma is still pretty alert, but today her oxygen started going down, so I don't know how alert she will be in the next few days--which is probably better for her. I'm going to go visit her tomorrow after work. I'll post more later.

My Grandma...

This last weekend (since Thursday at 2:45 am) has been a really emotional and tender time for me. At 2:45 am Thursday morning, Mom called and said that Grandma was convulsing and incoherent, and her time was probably short. Mom and Dad couldn't drive to the care center to see her, because they had each taken some medication. So Jan and I drove up there with them, and ended up being at the care center until 9:00 that evening.

It was such a long day--but good to see so much family. I loved getting to spend time with my Aunts and Uncle, even under such circumstances. We were praying she would make it until my Aunt Annette could get there from Phoenix, which she did. But then Grandma rallied a little bit, and it became hard because she was now coherent, and wanted so much to die, to be with my Grandfather who died 19 years ago. She has been a widow for such a long time. We had a family prayer around 6:00, and my Grandma asked to say it. She gave such a heartbreaking and touching prayer, asking to know what she was doing wrong, and asking for strength to accept God's will. My Grandma has always been such an example of patience and willingness to accept whatever trial Heavenly Father gave her, and is still such an example at the end of her life.

She is still hanging on, and I have been pleading since Thursday that she can finally be released from this life. From what the nurse said last night though, it could still be a week. I continue to pray that this trial will be shortened for her, but felt last night that "all things must come to pass in their time" (D&C 64:32), and that God knows when it is the right time for her to die. But I also felt that when she does die and is welcomed into that beautiful, heavenly place, to see so many loved ones who have passed on, that all of this suffering will be made up, and she will understand the reasons for everything. So I am now praying to be patient and to wait on the Lord, and praying that Grandma will be comforted in however many days she has left.

Here are some pictures of my Grandma--my last living Grandparent. I'm so grateful for her life, her love for me, and her example. Even though my children will never know her personally, I'll certainly tell them about her and how much she impacted my life.

This is a picture of Grandma and Grandpa Spendlove with David, me, Jan and Jon when we were about 7 years old. It's the only early picture I could find on short notice.

Grandma has been in a care center for the last few years, and we have so enjoyed visiting her up there. This is me, Jan, my Grandma and my Mom in April 2005.

Grandma got shingles in her right hand, and it caused her so much pain. This is in September of 2006--Emilee is massaging her hand. Her hand eventually ended up closing all of the way, and she had to learn to eat with her left hand.

This is from a dinner they had at the care center in December of 2006.

This is in February, 2008, on my Mom's 60th birthday. Emma, me, my mom, Grandma, Matthew (1 month old), and Emilee.

One of the blessings that came from me leaving my job at BYU and not working for a few months was that I was able to go see Grandma almost every Friday with my Mom, Janice and Emilee. This was in July 2008--Emma was helping Jan to take Grandma to the hair place at the care center.


This is October of 2008, the Care Center's Halloween party. One of the great blessings of my job now is that my boss is often gone on Fridays, so I have been able to leave early quite a few times to still make the Friday visiting tradition. I've already been able to go a few times this year as well, which I'm so grateful for, and my work has been so good to give me time off to spend with my Grandma the last few days.

I love Grandma so much, and I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for her and is watching over her. I'm going with Mom to be with her this afternoon. I'll post more when I have time.

Happy Birthday Brendan!

It's time for another birthday post! As usual, I am doing it the night before, because I never have time before work. So Brendan's birthday is tomorrow, February 16.

Brendan was the second of our four 2002 babies. He was such a darling little thing, and we were so excited to have another little baby in the family. One thing we were sad about--he was born with no fingers on his right hand, and we were worried about how he would handle that. But it has never stopped him, and he is the most amazing little boy. He can do anything, and you would never know. Somehow I've lost some of my pictures from early 2002, so I don't have a picture from the hospital, but here are some of him as a baby:

Here he is with Uncle Dave

Aunt Stacey making him laugh while Mommy holds him

Dad holding him and big sister Holly

With Mom, Dad, and sis in November 2002. He was just the happiest little baby!

On March 26, 2003, (his Dad's 30th birthday), Brendan had surgery on his hand. The doctors were able to take one of his toes and implant it onto his hand. It went so well--he was such a little trooper! By April, even though he still had a cast on his foot, he was already trying to walk. That little boy could do anything!

I love this picture--with older cousins Ethan and Joshy at the end of 2003. (Josh is only 1 month older). We had three boys born in 2002--lots of little boys at once. We are having a boys sleepover this Friday. It should be crazy, but fun!

Here he is dancing with Aunt Jan

And here he is in 2004, with me feeding him some cake.

This one was in 2005, at the April birthday party at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

And here he is in December of 2006, with four of his cousins. As I said, lots of boys born in a row! (Boy, are we going to have fun on Friday. :) :)

This is he and I watching Hallmark e-cards together in 2007. He especially loved the Hoops and Yoyo Irish Jig, and would laugh and laugh.

This is November 2007, playing checkers with me and Logan. He kept telling me that he was a "World Champion Chess player," so he would probably beat me (which wasn't too hard, since I don't know much about checkers). He certainly is a competive boy!

Here we are in February 2008, at the Dinosaur Musuem. We had so much fun that day!

I had to put this picture in, from this last Christmas Eve. Ever since he was a little boy, we've played this game where he will try to knock me over. When he was little he used to talk about how he had "strong powers." He usually succeeds in knocking me over, and we have so much fun playing our little game.

And finally, here he is last month skateboarding with Uncle Dan.

As I said, nothing stops this boy!

I'm so grateful for sweet Brendan, and all of the memories I've had with him. Happy Birthday, Buddy!

A great quote

I found this great quote by President Abraham Lincoln this morning, and thought I would post it here on my blog in honor of President's Day on Monday (because on Monday my post will be dedicated to Brendan). I'm so grateful our nation has had such great leaders in the past, and wish our leaders today would take a lesson from them on the necessity of relying on God...

"We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven; we have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity; we have grown in numbers, wealth and power ... But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us, and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us.” (ABRAHAM LINCOLN, proclamation appointing a National Fast Day, March 30, 1863)

Three posts in a row. Can you believe it?

So, I really should be going to bed, but Jan is going to come home in a few minutes, and I want to hear about her first day of being Assistant Supervisor at the temple, so I thought I'd do a quick post. I think this is a record for me to have three in a row. Just a few pics today:

This first one is the view from my boss's office. I love this view of the Church Administration Building, especially when the fountain is on. Incidentally, today I got to go over to the CAB to deliver some things, and I saw President Eyring and Uchtdorf (they were across the lobby, but it was still neat!) I always feel such a feeling of love for the General Authorities when I see them. They sacrifice so much to serve us, and are so good and kind.

Tonight I went to Mom and Dad's for Mom's birthday. Seth and Karla were there with the kids, and we had so much fun playing around. Steve and Chelle just got the bonus room all cleaned, and I went up with the kids (and J-bug, who had just come home) and they, screamed, ran and laughed while I played tickle monster. I love my kiddies! Here are some pictures:

Then Mom did the mailbox with them. Ethan found it hidden by the toy box. Here he is handing out the fruit snacks. I love the hat on Logan.

So, just a short post, in record time for me, I think. I'm going to get ready for bed.

Happy Birthday Mom!

It's my Mom's birthday (technically tomorrow, February 5th, but I have to do this post tonight), so it's time for a post all about my great Mom.

I've always looked up to my Mom. She is so incredibly talented, and has so much knowledge of the gospel and of other subjects--especially politics and things going on in the world.

Here's a picture of her and my Dad on their wedding day:

I always loved to look at this picture, and hoped that I would look this beautiful on my wedding day. My mom always kept her wedding dress in her cedar chest, and Jan and I loved getting it out and looking at it, and trying it on (although it never really fit us--she was so slim!)

As I said, my Mom is incredibly talented. She sings, and was in choirs all while we grew up. She has beautiful handwriting--I used to love to watch her write when I was little. She's very social and good at getting to know others. But the talent I love the most is her painting. I grew up studying her many paintings, wondering how she did it, and loving the way the oil paint stood out on the canvas with so much texture. She always had pictures hung up in the house. For Christmas 2006, she did paintings for each of us kids. I put a couple of my favorites in here:

Don't forget Mom, this last one is mine (it's currently hanging up in her room, because Jan has an identical one hanging up in our house). But when I get married, I get mine back!



A few years ago I took painting lessons from my Mom, and loved it. We had so much fun working together and I loved learning to mix the paint and look at how the colors could go together. This painting above was the first painting we did together. It took a long time, but I love how it turned out (and I could never have done it myself).




This one of Gethsemane is one we've been working on since 2004. Mostly I haven't been working on it, which is why it isn't done. I really need to go over once a week and finish it--especially because I love so much working on paintings with my Mom. I'm so grateful to Mom for sharing her talent with me.



My Mom did so much to instill in me a love of the scriptures. When we were young she had family devotional every morning, and we didn't just read the scriptures, but she expounded them. I remember in Sunday School they used to ask Jan and I not to answer the questions, because we knew so much because we'd been taught so well by Mom. We also memorized poems, and I still remember some of them ("Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both....") I'll be forever grateful that Mom took the time to give me such a foundation in the gospel.


My Mom loves children, and talked about being a grandmother for years before she had her first grandchild. Now she has 19, and loves to spend time with them. She has a "Grandma's box" that she will take over to play with them individually. She also has a mailbox at her house that she will hide, and then lead the kids by the hand to find it, saying, "Is it under the table? No..., Is it behind the chair?...." They love it. She always has a fruit snack for them before they leave. So to end this post, I looked for some of my favorite pictures of Mom with one of the kids. I wish I'd had time to find one with each of the kids, but then that would have been 19 pictures. So here are the ones that I could find quickly:

I love this one of little Binana sucking her thumb. What a cutie! And Mom looks so beautiful.

This one was on Joey's birthday--both grandma's getting a first look at him when they brought him out of the delivery room.

Grandma helping Logan choose what food he wanted. I think this was Christmas Eve. I love how they are both pointing their fingers.

I love this one of Mom and little Brina.

And finally, one of my Mom and Dad this last fall.

Mom, thanks for all you've done for me. I love you, and hope you have a wonderful birthday!!